Four Years Ago

I was headed down the canyon

it was before she died and I wasn’t thinking of rocks

falling from the sky

I’d written a manuscript and someone called it good

so I was heading down the canyon

to accept an award and shake hands

to jump start a dormant career

and there was you

and there was you

and there was you

each of you there to help me

with a crash on the couch

a brush away of tears

a long night of wine and revelation

I was heading down the canyon

and you were watching the babies

not really babies anymore

and you were revealing secrets

not really secret anymore

there was space in my heart still

and you kept finding empty spots

to fill me and i kept finding words

to say more, to be more

I was headed down the canyon

escaped and released and strung up attached

my strings have heartbeats and expectations

I will make it back, I will make it forward

I was off to accept whatever was coming to me

before I left the house the election was close

it was the old house, the one we owned

the one that rotted, the one the bank took

it takes a few hours to drive to the airport

and when i left the house it was close

and when i got there he’d won

and it seemed amazing like maybe 

not everything is rigged against us

it’s four years hence 

we are almost all still here

in different configurations

the kids are older, we are too

mistakes take no more wisdom than before

so much in between years

so much i’m glad of 

so much still hanging there not quite reached

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About margaretelysiagarcia

Margaret Elysia Garcia primarily writes fiction, essays and poetry from a remote corner of the Sierra Nevada. She's currently working on a non-fiction book about plus-sized modeling. She's also searching for a publisher for her new collection of stories? Mary of the Chance Encounters. Her short story collection Sad Girls & Other Stories out now on Solstice Literary Press. She blogs here and at Throwing Chanclas and Girl Body Pride. Is a contributor to Hip Mama Magazine. She writes the zine The Adventures of Sad Girl with her daughter, Paloma. She’s a three-time director of the national Listen to Your Mother Show in Plumas County (www.listentoyourmothershow.com). She has an alternative women’s music show Milkshake & Honey on Plumas Community Radio (www.kqny919.org).
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