When the Mountain Folk go Bat Shit Crazy

I used to not like the term “Bat Shit Crazy” but I can’t think of another term that aptly describes the fear and paranoia and complete lack of critical thinking skills that is eating away at poor little Indian Valley at the moment.  

Originally, I was going to write about it at length but low and behold, apparently rural Georgia went through the same zombie transformation of perfectly normal friends and neighbors turning into, well bat shit crazy zombies thinking the United Nations is after them.

If you have no background in right wing propaganda conspiracy theories or don’t know how people can turn the word ‘sustainability’ into a dirty word, Google Agenda 21 and ‘conspiracy’ and see what that gets you. You could start here: http://dangerousminds.net/tag/Agenda-21

You might have a moment like I did in which once again, I felt that sting of word wide embarrassment. No world! Please no! Not all rural Americans are nut cases. 

It’s very disconcerting to not even be able to go to the post office without seeing their fear filled posters and flyers. The UN is coming! The UN is coming!

So for all those crazy neighbors please know that no one is coming for your property. Hardly anyone even knows we exist. For those who ranch out here we already let you pollute the waterways carte blanche with run off from cow manure etc and no one says a thing even though you get the waterholes contaminated just in time for summer swim season. Honestly, if the government is letting you poison us, I’m pretty sure they are not trying to take your property.

‘Sustainable’ by the way, just means that your great grandchildren might still have an Earth to live on if we take care of the planet and not act like assholes. It doesn’t mean fleets of white trucks are coming to take your guns and your property and won’t let you see trees.

Shouldn’t the fact that Glen Beck, the John Birchers, tea baggers, and Koch brothers are behind it be enough to get the critical thinking skills working? Remember Glen Beck is the guy FOX NEWS fired for being too freaky for them. Yeah. Uh-huh.

What should you be worried about? You might be worried that we have no tax base. Maybe you should be worried that we graduate kids that can’t read and write. And arguably if you live anywhere in California, you should be concerned about water tables and water use as historically speaking our real land issues always are comprised of water wars.

But the United Nations couldn’t stop Syria from killing its own people. It couldn’t stop genocide in Darfur. It can’t stop North Korea from being our bat shit crazy equivalent in Asia. Chill out, Plumas County. The helicopters aren’t coming for you. Although more than likely they’re coming for your neighbor’s pot farm.

About Margaret Elysia Garcia

Margaret Elysia Garcia is the author of short story ebook collection Sad Girls and Other Stories, and the audiobook Mary of the Chance Encounters, and the co-founder and lead playwright of Las Pachucas, theatrical troupe. She teaches creative writing and theatre in a California state prison.
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1 Response to When the Mountain Folk go Bat Shit Crazy

  1. Ramona Hill says:

    Absolutely llove this; it’s the most well written and cogent rant I’ve read in a while.

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