The Children of Gays….Exist

SO today, a student of mine offered up this statement: “Children of lesbians and gays don’t exist. I mean how could they?”

It was right before class and I hadn’t done anything too crazy in awhile. Some teachers wind up, you know, going crazy on the students, yelling at them or using their bad behaviors as examples on the board when making up sentences to diagram. I smiled at my student. He’s a bit of a know it all, does all the reading, though I haven’t the foggiest idea what his writing looks like because I’ve never seen it.

I stood right in front of his desk and smiled and said these words:

I exist.

Because I do exist. Back when I was growing up I wasn’t always sure this was true. I found no one like me because, well, I didn’t talk about it. Couldn’t talk about it. Talk about, Don’t Ask , Don’t Tell? Junior high is when the word ‘gay’ hits the playground, no one really knows what it means , but anyone sporting an IQ or a creative streak gets called it. So I hid out with my knowledge of my own existence, afraid of the bullies that would seek to make me not exist. Do you know how hard it is for a kid to keep a secret? Especially a secret that isn’t even hers?

But I’m in my 40s now. I’ve long since been out about my family. And mostly, I’m pretty meh and bored with the whole thing. My parents’ sexuality doesn’t define me—just as it doesn’t always define them either. My mother is defined more by being a crazy Virgo dog lover than anything else. My other mother is defined more by her social worker soul that see the good in everyone even when there’s no good to be found. It’s not even every day that I even remember they are lesbian and that though married in 2008 in California, religious zealots and misguided voters sought to ruin their personal lives even though they didn’t know them.

Imagine that kind of existing. An existence where total strangers have the audacity to regulate your life—almost worse than being told you don’t exist.

THere are roughly 2 million children in gay households today. Some of you, like my student, think that somehow the children of gays are not what—children? I don’t follow the logic.

I once had a student years ago write an argumentative paper about how the children of gays would be degenerates—unable to function, unable to hold jobs, unable to have relationships. And yes, he didn’t have any peer reviewed sources. I only know the emotion from my side, of course. But, here I am, in the front of the classroom with a kid delivering a paper saying I’m ill equipped to be there.

While all are entitled to their opinions, no one is entitled to say I’m not a person. Or that I’m not a decent person. No one is entitled to lie and make shit up just to suit his fears.

My favorite horrid irrational rationale about children of gays is this though: Gays shouldn’t have children because it will be hard on them because they won’t be accepted by their peers. WTF? What kind of argument is that exactly? What’s hard is the people who think this way.

You want to know the truth about gay and lesbian parents? They’re just as good and just as shitty at it as the rest of us. The one thing they usually do better? Accepting their children for who they are

–and acknowledging that they exist.

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About margaretelysiagarcia

Margaret Elysia Garcia primarily writes fiction, essays and poetry from a remote corner of the Sierra Nevada. She's currently working on a non-fiction book about plus-sized modeling. She's also searching for a publisher for her new collection of stories? Mary of the Chance Encounters. Her short story collection Sad Girls & Other Stories out now on Solstice Literary Press. She blogs here and at Throwing Chanclas and Girl Body Pride. Is a contributor to Hip Mama Magazine. She writes the zine The Adventures of Sad Girl with her daughter, Paloma. She’s a three-time director of the national Listen to Your Mother Show in Plumas County (www.listentoyourmothershow.com). She has an alternative women’s music show Milkshake & Honey on Plumas Community Radio (www.kqny919.org).
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3 Responses to The Children of Gays….Exist

  1. I love this. I love you for writing it. I have a gay dad. I have a blog about it with another friend who has a gay dad. But we’re not just about gay dads….and wondering if you’d be interested in letting us share this post on our site/blog? It’s called The Gay Dad Project. We’re also making a documentary (I am 36, by the way, with 3 kids of my own, my dad came out when I was 15 and married his husband in Vermont in 2001, they’ve been together for almost 20 years). We are looking for more stories from people who have gay/lesbian moms…and I loved reading this, every bit of it.

    THANK YOU for sharing. Wow.
    😉
    gonna send some friends over.

    p.s. I am @ErinMargolin & @GayDadProject on twitter!

  2. I hope that shut him right the eff up. Little shithead.

  3. Pingback: Oh my, what could I write about Gay People…?! | andraborcea

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