Sometimes You Lose Them

I’m too fascinated by this:

Today, in someways, marked the end of a life of a young girl I used to know. When I knew her she was happy. Her parents had sent her to the best schools and given her the best opportunities for everything. She was adopted and I loved how they had two celebrations. The day she was born and the day she became part of their family.

This girl, with family with connections on two coasts and a strong degree could literally have done anything in the world she wanted to do. She had the complete love and support of them to do so. 

Her choice? Find the woman who gave her up and live out an entirely different life, in an entirely different social class, in an entirely different state, with entirely different values. Get rid of her name–both first and last–shack up with a loser guy, get knocked up, married , and work a teenage job indefinitely.

Every middle class parent’s worst nightmare.

I really loved this girl. She was smart, witty, had–what I thought–was a great sense of self. That self is now gone. I try to think back to age 23 and the choices we make then. How easy it is indeed for girls to make no choices at all and to just let life happen to them.  I had a cousin who when we were in high school, intentionally got pregnant. It freaked me out. How was this possible?

She told me she had no clue what to do when she grew up but she knew how to have a baby. This was a route she knew. My girl who got married today will find this customer service job, no intellectual demands, no social demands, life easier than what her parents raised her for. And in truth, they’d have been happy with whatever she chose to do. They were generous people in spirit as well as finances. She literally could have had it made.

It’s a parenting tragedy of epic proportions. How do you solve this level of self hatred with a child who is now an adult as she changes her name, changes her values, and lowers all expectations. 

She has unfriended us all. Literally, figuratively. It all seems like a bad dream. And we can’t even figure out a lesson from this. This is what you get when you love a child? Provide for her? Protect her? This is the repayment.


About margaretelysiagarcia

Margaret Elysia Garcia primarily writes fiction, essays and poetry from a remote corner of the Sierra Nevada. She's currently working on a non-fiction book about plus-sized modeling. She's also searching for a publisher for her new collection of stories? Mary of the Chance Encounters. Her short story collection Sad Girls & Other Stories out now on Solstice Literary Press. She blogs here and at Throwing Chanclas and Girl Body Pride. Is a contributor to Hip Mama Magazine. She writes the zine The Adventures of Sad Girl with her daughter, Paloma. She’s a three-time director of the national Listen to Your Mother Show in Plumas County ( She has an alternative women’s music show Milkshake & Honey on Plumas Community Radio (
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