Endoscopic Heart

My heart does not die easily

it’s been around and around

blood pumping in and out

sometimes for you

sometimes for me

but it does not turn off easily

There is nothing blocked, nothing slowing

no obstructions —

Aging does not slow it down.

My heart might be

drawn in fours,

compartmentalized, you’ll say

unable to beat as one unfailing beat

(which is what  all lovers want, really)

I have thought about ripping it out

of my chest and giving it to you

telling you here, put this on ice,

thaw it as you see fit,

give it away, it’s yours

because you seem to be the kind

of person who thrives on

the blue blood oxygen of others.

My veins, my arteries,

they reach through and passed the heart

like tentacles to find you, comfort you

sit here next to you when I have

so much more to do, to do, with you, with you

My heart does not die easily

It’s beat is louder with you in here

It’s beat is stronger with you in here

I say unconvincing words, breathy and soft and typed

you are not a believer in words, or deeds–my lungs have failed me.

there are the marks of too many people

I cannot unlove in here

But this bruja heart, this sanguine run

the red noise in our background

that i cannot go to sleep without.

Your courage might whither–

But I live here –within these walls

this cavity, this red couch these

blue purple walls. your name is here

carved on the inside. solid. etched.

It almost doesn’t matter that you’re gone.


About margaretelysiagarcia

Margaret Elysia Garcia primarily writes fiction, essays and poetry from a remote corner of the Sierra Nevada. She's currently working on a non-fiction book about plus-sized modeling. She's also searching for a publisher for her new collection of stories? Mary of the Chance Encounters. Her short story collection Sad Girls & Other Stories out now on Solstice Literary Press. She blogs here and at Throwing Chanclas and Girl Body Pride. Is a contributor to Hip Mama Magazine. She writes the zine The Adventures of Sad Girl with her daughter, Paloma. She’s a three-time director of the national Listen to Your Mother Show in Plumas County (www.listentoyourmothershow.com). She has an alternative women’s music show Milkshake & Honey on Plumas Community Radio (www.kqny919.org).
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